It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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