How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
