What a fucking waste of an outfit
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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