I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
