You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
