Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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