The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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