Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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