my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
