Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So many bounce houses so little time
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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