I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
