The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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