Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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