i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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