my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
