It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you would pick up someone in the library
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
