Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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