Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
