i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
