Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
