I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
