thus making me awesome and them whores
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
