Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
