What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
