I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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