I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
