I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
