life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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