no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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