well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
