Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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