How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just pee around me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
