pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
