Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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