Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
