It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
