Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
