my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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