Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize