Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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