I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she smelled like a LAN party
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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