Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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