Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
