I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
