im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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