well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
smell my finger.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize