my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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