If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just high enough for therapy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
