She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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