cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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