You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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