i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
