chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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