My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
