Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
