Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
