So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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