I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
