I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
