im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
