Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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