He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it was like eating out sand paper
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
