Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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