its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
