I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
