Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
