OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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