I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
