Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
