Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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