Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
