It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
His nipple licking is glorious
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