i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
