none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
