I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
