His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just pee around me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
