I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
