I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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