I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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