butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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