I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
