Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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