Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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