Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
