$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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